I am going to share my words with you, Mark this day.. it’s a rollercoaster from here on out. I hope you’re ready… to step into my mind, to feel what I feel, so I can show you that we are all the same, Human… perfectly imperfect as I like to say. There is no one like us and that is special…. So, pat yourself on the back, you’ve made it this far…. and if you’re reading this… its about to get better.
I promise… pinky promise, yes… that’s still a thing.. as least in my world it is. Let it take you back, .. back to a memory of a simpler time, of a childhood friend who made you feel like exploring this world, how your words were the only thing you had, a pinky promise meant that your word was your word and the other person could put complete trust, that your vulnerability was safe with them. Breathe..
Memories can stir emotions, sometimes they may not be the ones you want to feel, but they are just that…. Memories… they’ve already happened, you’ve already experienced it, nothing can change the past, your memories are written in the book of your life, they’ve molded you up until this point. A memory allows you to reflect, a second chance to react the way you want to react. Control it, allow yourself to let it flow through you, breathe… the tension you hold will only keep it in for another time, where you will have another moment to reflect and the memory will come and the feeling will take over .. there you must breathe, flow through and release it, its just a wave, the calm will come…
Now, I’m going to share a story, maybe you can relate.. maybe this one you will not, keep an open mind and an open heart and try to find understanding from every angle.
A mother sat in the distance as though she was trying to capture every detail of the moment, she gazed at her only child dancing circles around the ones she loved. The child was full of love and only saw the good in people, for she was pure and full of light. The mother knew the child would be curious and smart enough to figure out the hard questions of life, so honesty was the only choice.. there was no sugar coating those talks. As the child grew so did her curiosity, and big heart.. her creativity blossomed and the adventures began. The mother had all the strength in the universe but worried that her child might love so deep her heart may break, even her strength could not mend a broken heart.
As time passed and the child was no longer a child.. the woman she had become had fallen in love, but the love was lost and her heart was broken just as the mother feared. “There is more to love” the mother said, “if nothing else, love yourself. ” The daughter placed her head in the mothers lap and cried “how can I feel so much pain by the absence of someone?” The mother takes a moment, and exhales a deep breathe. “Well my dear, Sometimes you are lucky enough to find another person who makes you feel like the best version of you, and when that person leaves your life, a part of you feels like its gone with it.” The daughter looks up with tears in her eyes. “So, I lost a part of me when they left? That doesn’t make me feel better.” The mother smirked ” It means you are now able to fill that part with even more incredible things, feelings,memories. You can say you’ve already experienced that, the urge for it is no longer, it has completed its course. You have made it! Now it gets better.” The daughter wipes her tears away, sits up and looks the mother in the eyes. ” How does it get better? How do I know this feeling won’t last forever? I loved so much, and its gone. I did everything right? Why did it end?” The mother places her hands gently against the daughters face. ” My dear, you sit here and weep about the beautiful love you had, if it wasn’t beautiful.. you wouldn’t be here with rosy cheeks and a soggy face. Life is stages, stages of love, of loss, of laughter, of life… to appreciate the good days we must have bad ones, otherwise we wouldn’t know a good thing from a bad thing. I know it hurts right now, and nothing else matters, and right now… this is all that matters, feel it, over come it, so the next one will be even more beautiful. One day you will see, we are here to experience this moment just for what it is, tomorrow it will be a memory, you can not go back. Whether we like it or not.”
Years go by, the daughter gets married, the relationship between the mother and daughter mature. The father gets sick, and the mother is faced with a difficult challenge. I must prepare my daughter for this heartbreak. They sit and talk, “My dear,” the mother begins to explain. “Your father is sick, and I am afraid he may not make it through the winter, you see.. the will to live has left him, and I think you should prepare to accept his decision, but before you do. Will you talk to him?” The daughter takes a deep breathe, trying to center herself, to gather the strength to process the news she has just heard. “My heart aches, and my stomach twists, but will speak to him.” So, the daughter sits with the father in silence for a bit.
Then she speaks, “Father, I know why you have lost the will to live, I am no longer a child, your daughter is now a woman and the pain you feel is as though you lost a part of yourself. But, you will always be my father, and I your daughter.” The Father began to weep, feeling as though the daughter struck a cord in his heart. “I have no purpose, I feel I have lost, the life I dreamt has faded and you are better off. Confused, the daughter asked “You are so far lost, but have not lost, the dreams you dreamt are not faded, the purpose you lack is right here. If all I see is the good in people, why can’t the people see the good in themselves? Your past does not define you, it redefines you.” The father wipes away the tears and places his hand on the daughter face. “My dear, you are special, but sometimes the way it seems, is the way it is.” The daughter allowed her father to have this moment, saying nothing else she kisses his cheek gives him a long hug, and whispers “I LOVE YOU.” into his ear.
A year passes, the father grows strong finding the will to live. The daughter not knowing, brought strength into the father’s heart. There is power in words. As the year goes on, the mother grows weak, trying to keep strong for the both of them she pushes on. One day the mother can no longer get out of bed, and the father must sit and talk with the daughter. “My dear, I know you are strong, and this is why say, I will only tell you the truth always, no matter the pain that follows.” the father takes a deep breathe and continues. ” You see, your mother has lost the will to live, and I think you should prepare to accept her decision, but before you do, will you talk to her?” the daughter looks up with tears in her eyes, remembering the very same conversation a year before. “Yes, father I will speak to her.” The daughter sits next the the bed where her mother lay, weak and frail. “Mother, I know why you have lost the will to live, because you know that my heart is too big to love anyone more than you, and if you leave me I can love so much more, and I can do so much more. I know the power in words healed my father, and my words can heal you too.” The mother slowly shakes her head and utters. “My job is done, you have shown me that your words can heal even the saddest soul, my dear.. I must go so you can have this memory to guide you through this beautiful life you will live. This was the most beautiful memory for both of us. You will always have it.” The daughter begins to weep and lays next to her mother on the bed. ” I love you to the moon and back. ” the mother smiles and replys “with every heart beat my entire life” and at that moment the room filled with blinding light and she was gone.
…… To Be Continued.